Netflix Stinker of the Week: ‘Stuck in Love’
I really like Greg Kineer and Jennifer Connelly, but Stuck in Love was a little bit of an eye-roller. It started out ok for awhile, but slowly got stupider. The worst part of it was Samantha (Lily Collins). She’s a goddamn annoying asshole. And her whole deal was so cliche. Because of her parents’ bad relationship, she doesn’t believe in love and she avoids it at all costs. She acts like a dick to dudes, she’s openly promiscous, and she “doesn’t do boyfriends.” Guess what happens to her? Yeah. She’s struck by love. Her feelings come out. She cries a little and says “I’m really scared.” She’s also from a family of snobby-ass writer dorks (Greg Kineer is her dad) who are sooo cool and liberal and all like “Go out and live your life! So you can write about it, man.”
Another hilariously bad part was when Greg Kineer’s high school writer son was finally inspired to write furiously after his girlfriend went away to rehab. He finally had a real experience, so he wrote. During his inspired writing montage, Greg Kineer sneaks into in his son’s bedroom door and crosses his arms, leans against the frame, smiles, and quietly exits. AND fucking Stephen King fucking called up the goddamn high school kid on the phone and said “hey I really like your story!” Jesus.
Actor of the Year Award: Constantine in ‘Muppets Most Wanted’
What a genius performance by Constantine the Frog. He’s an evil Russian frog, but he pretended to be Kermit in the movie by covering up the mole on his face. So he would hilariously say “It’s the Muppet show with our special guest Selma Hayek! Yaayayayyaay!” in a very hilarious broken forced American accent. Best bad imitation of Kermit of all time. Best bad American accent of all time. Congrats, Constantine.
I’m watching #300 and I can’t stop staring at Gerard Butler’s abs. I’m trying to figure out if they are CGI or not.
"The Other Woman" Has the Worst Poster Ever
I was first made aware of the The Other Woman in a movie theater when I saw the large poster in a movie theater. I had no prior knowledge of the movie at all. When I saw the big cardboard poster I rolled my eyes and said “ugh, gross,” and then a woman who just happened to be standing right in front of the poster got offended. So then I said “oh no, not you, the other woman,” and she looked around, seeing no one and walked away.
The poster features the title, “The Other Woman” next to a set of brass knuckles with a diamond ring on the ring finger. I don’t know about you, but when I see this poster my mind immediately goes to the classic scenario of one younger lady who is having an affair with a married man, and the woman he is married to getting violent and wanting to physically harm the other lady. Right? Not only do the clichés of “crazy jealous women” in movies and TV point to this theory, but there’s a freaking wedding ring on the brass knuckles. It’s obviously an accessory of a violent married woman.
Leslie Mann’s name is on the poster, along with Cameron Diaz’s and Kate Upton’s. So after I saw the poster the offended woman walked away, I said “Oh, that’s too bad because I really like Leslie Mann”
Later I watched the trailer and it turns out the movie is about three women getting together to get revenge on the man that had relationships with all three of them, each in secret. Ok so the real premise is not genius, and perhaps a bit of an eye-roller. Are these women going to physically attack this man, street gang style? It’s still bad cliché about women. But hey, it looks kind of fun. Thanks to Leslie Mann I definitely still want to see it.
'The Great Beauty' is on Hulu Plus
The Great Beauty, which is the Italian film that won best foreign language Oscar and that I have been hootin’ & hollerin’ about on this blog, to my friends, and on horseback all throughout the streets of New York, is on Hulu Plus.
Now will you watch it? For crying out loud! It’s free! (if you have a Hulu Plus account, which you should; it’s a cheap alternative to cable) I need to talk to someone about this movie!
Jon Hamm Is a Movie Star
Mad Men is starting this weekend. To remind people that Jon Hamm is not just a Mad Men star but a movie star, and also to capitalize on Jon Hamm’s upcoming trendingness, I made this stupid collage.
#JonHamm has been in movies such as Bridesmaids, Mad Men, Shrek Forever After, Mad Men, Space Cowboys, Friends with Kids, Mad Men, Don Draper, Clear History, Mad Men, Dick Wittman, Howl, Mad Men, and #MadMen, starring #JonHamm
Actor of the Year Award Double Feature: Ralph Feinnes in ‘Grand Budapest Hotel’ and ‘The Invisible Woman’
In the past few months, Ralph Feinnes has (figuratively) grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me really hard, slapped me across the cheek, and grabbed hold of my face, saying “Bitch look at me! Look at me! I am an incredible actor! I am one of the best actors alive and I’ve had two very impressive performances within a year’s time!” And I was like “Oh my gawd, Ralph Feinnes, you’re right. I’m sorry I never paid attention to you before”.
A few months ago I saw The Invisible Woman, co-starring Ralph Fiennes (he directed it too). The movie was pretty slow and whatever, but Ralph Fiennes played Charles Dickens and oh my gawd he was so good. Damn.
Last week I saw Grand Budapest Hotel starring Ralph Fiennes. The movie was very very excellent and Ralph Fiennes blew my face off with his acting performance. For the second time in a row. I know it’s early, but I Ralphie HAS to be nominated for an Oscar for this one. He has to be!
Hey! Ralph Fiennes is a really really great actor! Aaaaaahhhh!
This ‘Gravity’ Deleted Scene Would Have Made The Movie EVEN Better
Doc of the Month Club: Finding Vivian Maier
My fellow blogging colleague and friend over at Nails and Ales invited me to a hip screening at her side day job as a content producer (us bloggers keep side jobs to pay the bills). After I showed up at the hippest office I’ve ever been to called Neuehouse and had 2 free beers courtesy of their daily happy hour, we headed downstairs to the hip screening room. It’s hip because you have to walk in front of the screen to leave the room and go potty, and there’s almost no leg room in the seats. I had a coat and scarf in one arm, a beer in one had, and some mixed nuts, a mini bag of popcorn, and a mini bag of M&M’s in the other. We carefully sat down. Then we moved seats to more bathroom accessible spot. Ten minutes into Finding Vivian Maier I realized I left my phone in the happy hour area, and since I don’t trust men who wear scarves indoors, I went to go get it. But I spilt my beer on the floor on the way out. I hate missing any part of documentaries because you never know when they are just going to blow the lid off something. I also hate spilling beer during documentaries (or during 12 Years a Slave, which I also did) What a mess!
ANYWHO, the lid didn’t quite get blown off while I was getting my phone, and the movie turned out to be way more excellent than I had imagined. Vivian Maier is a weird nanny lady and an amazing photographer who took stunning street photography mostly in New York, Chicago, and on some international travel in the 50’s and 60’s before street photography was really a thing. She never showed her work and they were found, developed, and organized after her death in 2009. This documentary explores her curious mysterious life, whether she would want her work shown, and what made her such a great talent. The entertaining movie had some funny parts, but also some dark stuff. It was an exciting hip experience.
Thumbs Up of the Week: The Great Beauty
I mean. This shit is for real. Wow. Ok. Phew. Um. So it’s Italian. Ok and it’s like, really good. And there’s this man. Oh my gawd, this is so good. This movie called La Grande Bellezza or The Great Beauty is a sort of coming of age movie but with an old dude. His name is Jep, he parties hard, and after his 65th birthday party (amazing scene) he starts to reflect on the life he spent in Rome and question his success. He wrote a novel when he was younger and people keep asking him why he never wrote another one. The movie essentially answers that question in a beautiful inspiring trippy amazing way. Even though it’s about an old Italian man, it’s so goddamn relatable. It’s weird, it’s meandering, it’s crazy. But it is soooooo good. Please watch it. It’s for your own good. It’s on itunes. Watch it.
Genius Woman Gets Plastic Surgery to Look More Like J-Law
This woman named Kitty was ugly before. Thanks to the magic of plastic surgery, NOW she’s beautiful because she looks almost exactly like Jennifer Lawrence. Smart move. It was totally worth the money that she took out of her child’s college fund. I wish I had thought of this first.
Here’s my favorite quote:
“I’m trying to look like a very capable, very personal level-headed female who is an Academy Award winner.”
Kitty’s a genius.
Wes Anderson Adorable Supercut