SPOILER ALERT: Spoiler Alert

Netflix started this badass thing where you just flip through climactical parts of different films. First I saw the Ghostbusters killing ghosts and saving New York (duh) but then I fucking saw some guy dying in A Serious Man. Damnit.  I haven’t seen that yet. Enter at your own risk or whatever.

15 Netflix Hacks from Vulture

I stole this article from Vulture. It tells you how to use secret magic tricks to get the most out of your netflix subscription. There’s some stuff on here that even I didn’t know, which means absolutely nothing.

Movie Vine: Children of the Corn

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Here’s a Movie Mumbo Jumbo vine of the scene in Children of the Corn when they kill that creepy man child by eighties graphic fire crucifixion on a corn cross. 

Hermoine Is My Hero

That Harry Potter girl is not just a movie star, but also a smart brave lady with great speaking skills. The Ivy league graduate was recently appointed to be the UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, and she is now launching the HeforShe campaign in an effort get men to join in the gender equality fight.  She gave a speech about it to the UN. Go Hermoine!!

Worst, Grossest, Terrible, Stupidest Awkwardest Movie Award: “Adore”

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I knew this movie would be bad but I wanted to watch this movie with a movie-watching pal so it would be “fun”. It turned out to be not that much fun. It was mostly uncomfortable, stupid, weird, awkward, gross, terrible, and stupid. 

In Adore, two Australian women, played by Robin Wright and Naomi Watts, were bff’s since they were little girls. They had sons about the same time, stayed friends, lived next door to each other, and twenty years later, they ended up sleeping with each other’s sons. They swapped sons and were a bit of a fun family foursome in full-fledged relationships. The boys seemingly did not have other friends or other things to do besides be out in the country surfing and sleeping with their aunts. The relationships were awkwardly parallel and when one couple had to break up, the deal was the other couple would break up too. It was only fair. The sons ended up getting married to women their age and having daughters of their own. Daughters. Yeah daughters. 

Anyway, SPOILER ALERT. Their lives ended up totally ruined and the sons ended up staying in the same old town with their moms, just the four of them all living with or next door to each other again. 

fuckyeahmovieposters:

The Graduate
Infographic: The Combined Age of ‘The Expendables 3’ Cast

Here’s some useless information in the form of a graphic. 

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Fun fact: People in their thirties were not in this movie. Actually, there was no one starring in this movie between the ages of 30 and 45 because those are boring ages. I just can’t stop thinking about how fun this photoshoot must of been. Can you imagine? A bunch of dudes in their twenties, forties, fifties, sixties, and seventies, and one lady in her twenties, all gathered in a room, at the same time, standing physically next to each other, laughing and taking photos together? Epic.

BREAKING SERIOUS HARD CORE BIG TIME MAJOR IMPORTANT NEWS THAT THE INTERNET IS FREAKING OUT OVER

The Hunger Games 3 trailer is out and it’s the trailer of the century. And I can’t be the only person on Earth to not put this on their blog so here it is. It came out today and it has 5.6 million views. According to the trailer, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 is clearly about people looking scared, pointing arrows, crying, putting on jackets, looking at stuff, running, and walking. It has explosions, birds in the sky, flying firey machines, and a dude jumping through glass. America’s head literally just exploded and it is social media-ing the FUCK out of this trailer, buying Katniss halloween costumes on Amazon, and straight up writing checks for hundreds of dollars made out to “The Hunger Games”. 

#TheHungerGames 

An Artsy Computer Nerd Blog Post: The Colors of Motion

An artsy person sent this to me. I think it’s pretty cool. It nerdily showcases the color palettes of different films like Django Unchained and Jurassic Park by the use of computer codes, formulas, algorithms, and math equations.

17 Ridiculous Sequels That We’re Totally Gonna Go See

This is unbelievable, but actually pretty believable, because them Hollywooders be like “money! money! money!”  Some of these are more ridiculous than others, some you might already know about, and some will blow your mind, or as us bloggers like to say “it will change your life forever.” 

1. Beetlejuice 2

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It’s very early in Beetlejuice 2 development, but apparently it’s a thing, and apparently it’s going to involve Michael Keaton and Tim Burton. Hmmmm. Tim Burton isn’t exactly on a hot streak. Michael Keaton OWNS the Beetlejuice character and will no doubt nail it again. But I mean, I saw him nail it already, sooo this is ridiculous, and yes, I will go see it.

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Paul Dano was in The Sopranos and He Was Already Creepy

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I was bingeing Sopranos the other night and I made a discovery. Before Paul Dano played a creepy teen in Little Miss Sunshine, a creepy young man in There Will Be Blood, and a creepy man suspected of child abuse in Prisoners, he played a creepy child in HBO’s Sopranos. He plays A.J.’s friend Patrick who creepily encourages the group to go visit Tony Soprano-owned strip club, Bada-Bing. He also has the creepy hair cut shown above. 

Movie Mumbo Jumbo Has Been Outside A Lot.

I’m a lazy blogger. It was summer, and I went outside and rolled around in the grass a bunch. I also drank a lot of beers and swam and ate lobster and played softball and rode my bike and perfected New England and Long Island accents. In fact, I’m currently hungover now from partying outside last night. So I didn’t watch tons of movies or do tons of blogging, and when I did, I was drunk. I barely even worked at my side day job as a graphic designer, and when I did, I was drunk. I also stole a lot of other people’s movie blog posts and posted them as my own to get clicks.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Michael Showalter performing as Alan in Wet Hot American Summer. He’s not blogging or watching movies in this photo either.

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Richard Linklater: Smartest Man Alive?

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According to Tribeca film dot com, Richard Linklater is the smartest man alive in Hollywood. I don’t disagree; he directed Boyhood and that was pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty mind-blowingly good.

Visiting Boston: A 3-step Guide to Using Movies to Learn the Accent

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I’m in Boston for a work trip and I managed to learn the Boston accent while here. Here’s how I pulled it off.

Step 1: How Bout Dem Apples

Start out with the basics. Try saying things like “I Pahk my Cah at the Baaah” and “Let’s go to Hahvad Yads.” Then get a little more aggressive and say “Hey Jimmy! Get in the cah! We’re gonna go to fucken Fenway Pahk!” and “How bout dem apples, Jimmy!?” Walk around saying this aloud in the streets of Boston while also listening to the locals’ accents. It’s important to find ways to work in the word “car” anytime you can.

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Step 2: Wicken Fucken Accents

Start to channel your inner Matt Damon. Go to Fenway Park and start using words where you can round the “O’s like “Jimmy! Get me a Haut Daug!” and when you’re ready start throwing in “wicked” and “fucken” anywhere it remotely makes sense. “Jimmy! Get me a fucken Haut Daug and that wicked summa ale!” Try to make Bostonites upset by saying you are from New York, and then they’ll say things like “The Yankees fucken saahck! Bucha queeahs! Let’s go Red Saux! ”

Step 3: Wicked Fucken Cool Supa cut.

This is the most important step. After getting drunk at Fenway Park, go back to your hotel, get a wine opener from the front desk, open your 8 dollar wine in your room, order pizza (optional), and watch the supa cut video several times in a row. It’s wicked fucken cool. It will teach you EVERYTHING you need to know about how to do a Boston accent. 

If you completed these three steps, you should be just as good at faking a Boston accent as Matt Damon in The Depahted or Amy Adams in The Fighta. Now you’re prepared to run around Boston interacting and fighting with the locals.