Infographic: The Combined Age of ‘The Expendables 3’ Cast
Here’s some useless information in the form of a graphic.
Fun fact: People in their thirties were not in this movie. Actually, there was no one starring in this movie between the ages of 30 and 45 because those are boring ages. I just can’t stop thinking about how fun this photoshoot must of been. Can you imagine? A bunch of dudes in their twenties, forties, fifties, sixties, and seventies, and one lady in her twenties, all gathered in a room, at the same time, standing physically next to each other, laughing and taking photos together? Epic.
BREAKING SERIOUS HARD CORE BIG TIME MAJOR IMPORTANT NEWS THAT THE INTERNET IS FREAKING OUT OVER
The Hunger Games 3 trailer is out and it’s the trailer of the century. And I can’t be the only person on Earth to not put this on their blog so here it is. It came out today and it has 5.6 million views. According to the trailer, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 is clearly about people looking scared, pointing arrows, crying, putting on jackets, looking at stuff, running, and walking. It has explosions, birds in the sky, flying firey machines, and a dude jumping through glass. America’s head literally just exploded and it is social media-ing the FUCK out of this trailer, buying Katniss halloween costumes on Amazon, and straight up writing checks for hundreds of dollars made out to “The Hunger Games”.
An Artsy Computer Nerd Blog Post: The Colors of Motion
An artsy person sent this to me. I think it’s pretty cool. It nerdily showcases the color palettes of different films like Django Unchained and Jurassic Park by the use of computer codes, formulas, algorithms, and math equations.
17 Ridiculous Sequels That We’re Totally Gonna Go See
This is unbelievable, but actually pretty believable, because them Hollywooders be like “money! money! money!” Some of these are more ridiculous than others, some you might already know about, and some will blow your mind, or as us bloggers like to say “it will change your life forever.”
1. Beetlejuice 2
It’s very early in Beetlejuice 2 development, but apparently it’s a thing, and apparently it’s going to involve Michael Keaton and Tim Burton. Hmmmm. Tim Burton isn’t exactly on a hot streak. Michael Keaton OWNS the Beetlejuice character and will no doubt nail it again. But I mean, I saw him nail it already, sooo this is ridiculous, and yes, I will go see it.
Paul Dano was in The Sopranos and He Was Already Creepy
I was bingeing Sopranos the other night and I made a discovery. Before Paul Dano played a creepy teen in Little Miss Sunshine, a creepy young man in There Will Be Blood, and a creepy man suspected of child abuse in Prisoners, he played a creepy child in HBO’s Sopranos. He plays A.J.’s friend Patrick who creepily encourages the group to go visit Tony Soprano-owned strip club, Bada-Bing. He also has the creepy hair cut shown above.
Movie Mumbo Jumbo Has Been Outside A Lot.
I’m a lazy blogger. It was summer, and I went outside and rolled around in the grass a bunch. I also drank a lot of beers and swam and ate lobster and played softball and rode my bike and perfected New England and Long Island accents. In fact, I’m currently hungover now from partying outside last night. So I didn’t watch tons of movies or do tons of blogging, and when I did, I was drunk. I barely even worked at my side day job as a graphic designer, and when I did, I was drunk. I also stole a lot of other people’s movie blog posts and posted them as my own to get clicks.
Anyway, here’s a picture of Michael Showalter performing as Alan in Wet Hot American Summer. He’s not blogging or watching movies in this photo either.
Richard Linklater: Smartest Man Alive?
Visiting Boston: A 3-step Guide to Using Movies to Learn the Accent
I’m in Boston for a work trip and I managed to learn the Boston accent while here. Here’s how I pulled it off.
Step 1: How Bout Dem Apples
Start out with the basics. Try saying things like “I Pahk my Cah at the Baaah” and “Let’s go to Hahvad Yads.” Then get a little more aggressive and say “Hey Jimmy! Get in the cah! We’re gonna go to fucken Fenway Pahk!” and “How bout dem apples, Jimmy!?” Walk around saying this aloud in the streets of Boston while also listening to the locals’ accents. It’s important to find ways to work in the word “car” anytime you can.
Step 2: Wicken Fucken Accents
Start to channel your inner Matt Damon. Go to Fenway Park and start using words where you can round the “O’s like “Jimmy! Get me a Haut Daug!” and when you’re ready start throwing in “wicked” and “fucken” anywhere it remotely makes sense. “Jimmy! Get me a fucken Haut Daug and that wicked summa ale!” Try to make Bostonites upset by saying you are from New York, and then they’ll say things like “The Yankees fucken saahck! Bucha queeahs! Let’s go Red Saux! ”
Step 3: Wicked Fucken Cool Supa cut.
This is the most important step. After getting drunk at Fenway Park, go back to your hotel, get a wine opener from the front desk, open your 8 dollar wine in your room, order pizza (optional), and watch the supa cut video several times in a row. It’s wicked fucken cool. It will teach you EVERYTHING you need to know about how to do a Boston accent.
If you completed these three steps, you should be just as good at faking a Boston accent as Matt Damon in The Depahted or Amy Adams in The Fighta. Now you’re prepared to run around Boston interacting and fighting with the locals.
Hot on Netflix: Nymphomaniac Volume I and II
Netflix is letting us watch hot movies! And I mean HOT, sexy movies. Both of Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac movies are there.
Frank: A “Will I See It?” Alert
This movie called Frank looks kinda weird. Is anyone interested in a movie where Michael Fassbender covers his beautiful face? Maybe. If I decide to watch this, maybe I’ll keep a photo of Michael Fassbender pulled up on my phone and I’ll keep glancing at it.
This is a Sundance movie about a band. Fassbender front mans the band they go to South by Southwest. This actor band performed on the Colbert Report and it was pretty wacky!
Actor of the Year Award: Ethan Hawke in ‘Boyhood’
I mean Ethan Hawk, daaaang. All the acting was good in Boyhood, but with Hawke I was like whoa. To be honest, I sometimes can only handle Ethan Hawke so much. He gets a little rambly and whiney and over-analytical (see Reality Bites, Before Sunrise). Somehow, in Boyhood, he just worked perfect. Since the movie was filmed over 12 years of his adulthood, I’m not sure whether the smooth transformation of his character could be attributed Ethan Hawke’s good acting or Ethan Hawke himself. It was probably both, and I loved it. He went from being a douchebag dad to a great dad with a moustache who tells his son important meaningful things that are based on experience. Watching their relationship evolve was fantastic. Now that Hawke’s grown up, I look forward to seeing him in some other stuff. You made it, Ethan Hawke! You won the Movie Mumbo Jumbo Actor of the Year Award!
Hot Movies On Netflix: Pulp Fiction and Some Other Stuff
Hey, here’s something cool: Some Reddit nerd cross-referenced the IMDB top 250 movies with Netflix Streaming and listed the matches. Then Uproxx picked it up. Then, I read it online. Then, I copy and pasted the link and put it on my own blog as if it I am the one who has the ideas. The result is a Movie Mumbo Jumbo list of hot movies on Netflix. Thanks, nerds. Now get outta my sight!